Dr. Roget's Favorite Pick-up Line

In that I am unsoiled, unstained
free from foreign or extraneous matter
unadulterated (habitually so) and
characterized by a fresh, wholesome quality;

as well being easily readable and lacking
roughness or irregularity, but rather
not ornate, gracefully spare—one could even say
streamlined;

moreover existing complete and unqualified,
upright and honorable, showing good
sportsmanship and inoffensive in
language or content, bearing no marks of
discreditable or unlawful conduct and
producing little or no radioactive fallout;

and further in all ways dexterously
performed, adroit, and having a taste that is
unusually refreshing and smooth,
exhibiting no obstructions or hazards,
no capped hocks, splints, or scars, and
uninfluenced by exchange-rate manipulation;

in sum, having no direct associations, business
interests, etc., that could prejudice one’s
official acts or decisions, these being
verifiable and of pleasure in your sight:

may I buy you a drink?